Hello, faceless names. I'm giving this a try at the urging of my cousin. I've tried something similar once before, about four, five years ago. It lasted about three posts. Maybe this one will go better than that. This whole thing has been prompted by my thinking about my life. Like normal when I do that, I wasn't too happy afterwords. I know. Posting your problems on a blog isn't originally or anything like that. But, I need somewhere to do it. And since I don't have any confidants or the like, this is really the only place available.
So. Why does my life make me so unhappy? Well. Again, nothing that unusual. If a bit unimpressive. I'm twenty-eight. I live with my step-father. I graduated from High School with an unimpressive GPA, not helped by my never studying or doing homework. Nobody but myself to blame, I just never really thought about what would happen AFTER school until it was too late. I wasn't wasting my time socializing though. I was wasting it in more solo pursuits. Video games, TV, fantasy novels. Anything that didn't require me to interact with another human being. Which explains why I didn't really have any friends then. And still don't, honestly, other than family members. Boo Hoo, poor guy, right? Yeah.
I'd like to be angry at the world for not giving me any chances or some shit like that, but the truth is it probably did give me plenty. I just never took any of them, or even noticed them for the most part. Too lost in my own mind (someplace nobody but me would find even remotely interesting). Since then I've been living at home, other than a brief, disastrous attempt at going to Job Corps. In almost three decades of life, what do I have to show? Nothing. No skills. No social network. No hobbies even, really. Unless you count buying books. Well, and online text roleplaying. Whoop de doo. I've had the occasional person I'm somewhat close online, and it's nice. But eventually they always draw away from me. And it's not hard for me to figure out why.
You see, I don't actually have anything to offer anybody. Nothing interesting or unusual, or even that creative. Life experiences are the fuel for creativity, and my coal bin is empty. I'm able to, for a while, fool them into thinking I'm intriguing in some way, but they always wise up after time. I can never blame them, even if it does make me sad. And yeah, before anybody asks, I am on anti-depressants.They work, for the most part. But they can't fix things, just mask the symptoms. Anyway. Here I am, up at one in the morning, typing away to a bunch of complete strangers on a website I never looked at before about fifteen minutes ago. Is that a good idea? Well, I've been going to a shrink, and I guess that's not that different. So we'll see. Anyway. Nice to meet all of you.
